Auchenames Curling Club

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Sound of one hand clapping

Posted on March 9, 2016 at 2:50 PM

The Jamieson family had two hands on the Pairs trophy prior to the commencement of the final on Tuesday evening, but only one could remain at the end. As it turned out that hand belonged to Alison Jamieson who, with Alan Mackie, defeated Graeme Jamieson and Diana McCann. Congratulations to the winning pair, commiserations to the losers.

Dancing in the streets down under.

Posted on March 8, 2016 at 7:10 PM

There was dancing in the streets down under as Willie 'Cobber' McDougall gained his second major of the year in winning the Millenium Bonspiel. Having just returned from his newly adopted homeland, Cobber and his team won a very closely contested competition on a count back. Despite having to deal with a mathematically challenging score card the Secretary managed to ascertain that Cobber et al won by virtue of defeating their tied rival in the only end they contested. So there you go.

All seemed to enjoy the format and evening. Cobber's acceptance speech was generous and brief. Nevertheless the losing tied skip was heard to be muttering in the background for a wee while: for example 'Jist no fair him jist gettin' back from that country o' convicts - no right'; and 'And whit wiz that Secretary wittering on about - always being second - he should get a life'.

The winning team members were: Willie McDougall (skip), Diana McCann, Malcolm Rankin. They are now going into weight training to enable them lift the trophy- the Parker Millenium Stone.

Sweet success in Russell Medal

Posted on February 27, 2016 at 7:05 AM

Auchenames retained the Russell Medal in our annual match against Largs Thistle. The victory was made more sweet following our loss to Largs of the McNish earlier in the season. Both of our teams were successful with relatively straightforward wins by 8-7 and 9-5. Commiserations to Largs, in particular to Henry Kerr who missed his tea to play (he forgot he was playing).

Most of us retired to the Hydro for a couple of swallies although conversation ended with a quite heated discussion of 'Europe' - what a sad bunch!

Auchenames teams: Graeme Jamieson (skip), Jim Colquhoun, Alan Mackie, Anna McNay, and

                                  Jimmy Fisher (skip), Bryan Gossman, Ruth Fisher, Colin McManus.

Near miss in Shand Harvey

Posted on February 18, 2016 at 7:45 PM

Unable to produce the two teams required for the Shand Harvey, Auchenames joined with Gleniffer to form Combination 1. Auchenames won against Gourock in the Saturday leg by 11 shots to 3, whilst Gleniffer defeated Grammarians by an even greater margin of 14 - 2 on Sunday. Unfortunately our combined total fell a few shots behind the eventual winners - Uplawmoor - but did provide for a fine second place. 

Therefore, congratulations to the Fishers and Nellanys, who comprised the Team Auchenames part of Combined 1.

KO in KO

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 3:00 PM

The Ayr B Day League KO competition defending champions suffered a KO in the first round of this season's competition. Auchenames 1 lost 9-6 to a rampant Dundonald team. It would be nice to record a narrow defeat but in fact Auchenames only managed to win 2 ends and one of those was by 5 shots. Tatties Kerr was suffering back pain and Wacky Mackie did leave a fair amount of lung tissue on the ice, but there can be no excuses as Dundonald played extremely well.

The losers: Jimmy Fisher (skip), James Kerr, Alan Mackie and Ian Nicol.

Bonspiel Bonhomie? Aye Right.

Posted on December 30, 2015 at 7:40 PM

This is becoming a habit. Auchenames won another Harvies Bonspiel, scooping the pool to a tune of a hundred nice ones for the team. On Tuesday 22nd December Team Jamieson won 7 of their 8 one end games to win the competition - bit of a dawdle as one player put it. So was the main pleasure a pecuniary one? Naw. Taking part? Naw. There were losers out there, in particular a club also beginning with an 'A'. Crawford nae mair - for the moment anyway. However bonhomie re-emerged for the post competition Xmas nibbles.

The winning team. Graeme (on a roll) Jamieson at skip with Roger Henry, Colin McManus and Malcolm Rankin.

Congratulations to all Auchenames players who took part, with many thanks to Jim Colquhoun for once again organising our participation.

ps. Ice report for The Other Place: the usual.

Jamieson wins the Kilruskin

Posted on December 30, 2015 at 7:20 PM

Team Jamieson clinically disposed of Team Fisher in the final of the Kilruskin on Monday 21st of December. They won by 7-2 in shots and by 7 ends to 1. Team Fisher managed a 2 shot gain in end 6 but that was pretty much that. Two rather disparate comments on the game were overheard with one player feeling that it was a fairly easy win whilst another felt that the match was closer than the score suggested. Make of that what you will.

Congratulations to Graeme and team, commiserations to Jimmy et al. The winning team was Graeme Jamieson at skip with Jim Colquhoun, Ken Fegan and Ian Nicol.

Harvies ice quality

Posted on December 19, 2015 at 9:40 AM

Harvies curling club representatives are meeting with those of NAC and KA Leisure (including the Chief Executive of KA) on the 11th of January 2016. Our representatives are Jim Colquhoun and Alan Mackie. Watch this space.

Demolition Derby

Posted on December 10, 2015 at 2:45 PM

It was more demolition than Derby as Auchenames slumped to another devastating defeat in the the first half of the annual Crawford Medal against Ardrossan Castle. Losing three of the four matches and by a total of sixteen shots, this was a worse loss than the equivalent fixture in 2014. In an open, soul searching post match interview, the Club Secretary said “ I'm whacked, don't know what we can do. We clearly need fresh talent but don't know where to find it. Perhaps we’ll have to investigate the transfer market when the window opens.” Unfortunately, Auchenames currently doesn't have a team manager to sack. However the Secretary, Wacky Mackie, did put these teams together – as such his job must be on a shoogly peg. Apparently he tried to produce a balanced set of teams but only produced a fairly balanced defeat with three teams gaining three shots apiece in losing, with one team having eight shots in winning.

The post match refreshment were held in the convivial atmosphere of Ardrossan Accies; thanks to Ardrossan Castle for organising this and being excellent hosts.


Nearly men? Not even that.

Posted on December 6, 2015 at 7:55 PM

So Sair Knee McManus says to the Neilston team “Hello again. Back to see if you can recover from last year’s beating.” Well, that really worked as an opening gambit; we lost four shots in the first two ends, going on to a 7-3 defeat. Mind you we all suffered from the usual problem of adjusting from ice conditions at The Other Place when playing on proper ice at Greenacres. Thankfully all played much better after the first two ends but couldn't overcome a strong Neilston team.


Poor skip James ‘Tatties’ Kerr had to go back on the ice for a Ramshead tie. His face was a picture when he thought he wasn't going to get any supper before going on again; we relented and fed him – but nae tatties.


Supper and refreshments after play were great as was conversation with those reprobates from Neilston.


But see next year……………………….


The team? James Kerr (skip), Alan Mackie, Colin McManus and Malcolm Rankin.


ps many thanks to Tatties for driving there and back.


Coming back from the brink

Posted on November 29, 2015 at 8:20 PM

Having recently rejected the advances of the Ferryman, Jimmy ‘The Guardsman’ Fisher hauled himself back from the brink again - only this time from defeat in the Brown Cup against Team Elaine. Lying one shot behind after six ends, Jimmy and his team took four shots in ends seven and eight to win their match and the Brown Cup at Greenacres. So there's something to be said for wearing a stent then – maybe a bit extreme though.


All three matches were close with both other matches involving last gasp comebacks – Team Michael surging through to win be two shots against Team Ruth, and Team Joyce recovering to peels by taking four shots in the last end against Team James. Brinkmanship all round.


There were other notable occurrences. For example, your correspondent closely observed a distinguished member of Elaine's team putting on the wrong handle – cringeworthy! Christine ‘Sweeties’ MacDougall’s provision of sustaining nibbles during the games was a source of pleasure to all – even to losing teams. And Kay Fegan won again!


That's the Brown Cup for another year. The arrangements all went well thanks to Joyce's endeavours. Greenacres, as always, provided an excellent ambience for dinner, drinks and conversation. And the non – players seemed to manage to stay sober – relatively?


The winning team? Jimmy Fisher (skip), Dougie Mackinnon, Roger Henry and Kay Fegan.




Cairnie Collapse

Posted on November 20, 2015 at 7:40 PM

Despite an encouraging, winning start to the Cairnie campaign against Gourock – well actually Gourock didn't turn up – Auchenames subsequently slumped to heavy defeats against Largs and Ardrossan.

Skip James commented that they just couldn't get it together this year – sounds an accurate, if somewhat understated description. However our Treasurer, ever one for looking on the bright side, noted that at least we wouldn't have to make the arrangements for next year’s competition; that dubious pleasure rests with Ardrossan Castle.

So there you have it. Congratulations to Ardrossan Castle who won all their matches. I'm reliably informed by Robin Goodall that Largs Thistle came second.

Our teams varied a little during the competition - didn't make much difference. In the final match / defeat against Ardrossan our team was James Kerr (skip), Bryan Gossman, Graeme Jamieson and Ian Nicol.


Heids Hingin' Efter McNish

Posted on November 10, 2015 at 8:10 PM

Auchenames heids were ringin’ and hingin’ following a heavy defeat by Largs Thistle in the annual match for the McNish trophy on Monday night. Both Auchenames teams lost, with a solid Largs Thistle winning by 11 shots overall. A full match report is not immediately available, but it is likely that all details will appear soon via the Thistle website, the Largs and Millport News, the Daily Record, the Huffington Post ………….

In the post match presentation the President Substitute, Wacky Mackie, managed to congratulate Thistle, if through gritted teeth. The reply by Thistle was suitably diplomatic, noting that this is the first time they have laid hands on the trophy in about 5 years; ‘It's been a long, long, long time comin’, but they knew change was gonna come, oh yes it was.' (apologies to Sam Cook).

When interviewed later by your correspondent, the Auchenames President Substitute noted that Thistle may have slaked their thirst at the river this year, but by next year the river may well have run dry (apologies this time to Sam, son of Largs, Torrance). Ominous but positive.

Ice report: ice at ‘the other place’ was average in terms of its own standards – it was somewhat greasy, patchy and pretty twisted – but playable.

Auchenames guilty parties: Willie McDougall (skip), Jim Colquhoun, John Parker, Neil Watson, and

Alan Mackie (skip), Doug McKinnon, Ian Nicol, Malcolm Rankin.

Hold you heads up high; 2016 is a whole new year!



Fine Fettle in Finnie Kettle

Posted on November 5, 2015 at 2:35 AM

Despite almost blowing a one shot lead in the final end at Ayr, Auchenames achieved a peeled game in its inaugural participation in this event. Wacky Mackie’s final shot drew up disappointingly short leaving the Riccarton opponents on a 2 shot advantage with one shot to play; however the Riccarton skip managed to remove one of their leading stones - thus resulting in a peeled game. Never having played on proper curling ice before, newbie Stephen wondered if ‘the other place’ could be prosecuted under trades description legislation, whilst Mantra Mike, in between mutterings of 'outa jail there then eh’, promised to look into it. Organasmic Smith voiced his pleasure with not only the match, but also the excellent post match supper.

The north of the River Irvine team - of which Auchenames was a member – achieved a comfortable victory overall. In replying to your correspondent’s email noting our enjoyment of the event, organiser Andrew Kerr confirmed that Auchenames would now be invited each year.

Team: Alan Mackie (skip), Mike Nellany, Gilmour Smith and Stephen Connolly.


Past Presidents on a Plate (well, four of them)

Posted on October 29, 2015 at 8:20 PM

Although a close match in the early stages of the 2015 Past Presidents Challenge Plate at the Galleon, Graeme Jamieson's mature team pulled away to a fine 12-6 victory over Mike Nellany's team of ageing wannabes.

Nellany's meditative mantra became more pronounced as the game progressed through ends 6 to 8: 'It's jist no feckin fair' on and on and on...........

Although fulsome in praise of their winning opponents there was an air of despond surrounding the losers; or perhaps 'p....d off' would be a more adequate description.

'There's always another year' commented the winning third to his opposite number.

Teams: Graeme Jamieson, Alan Mackie, Ian Nicol, and Willie Jack versus

             Mike Nellany, James Kerr, Jim Colquhoun and John Parker.